Take note of any brand references on ingredients! If you substitute an alternate brand without approval, it is not considered a true Skotty recipe!

---

Standard Recipes

---

Best Chili Ever * NEW RECIPE *

• ~25oz spicy tomato juice
• 1 15oz can tomato sauce
• 1 can diced tomatoes (we use spicy w/ green chilis)
• 2 cans red kidney beans
• 1 pound ground beef
• 1 green bell pepper
• 1 red bell pepper
• 2 stalks of celery
• 4 jalapenos
• 1/2 of a large yellow onion
• 2.5 to 3 Tbsp. of chili powder
• 2 tsp. minced garlic
• 1 tsp. black pepper
• 1 tsp. oregano
• 3 tsp. cumin
• salt to taste
• 1 huge pot to put it all in
• Optional: saltine crackers
• Optional: colby or cheddar cheese
• Optional: Dr. Pepper -- it makes all meals better

1. cut all veggies into medium sized pieces, removing veins and seeds, and place in pot
2. brown beef, drain, mix in a small amount of water and all seasonings in
3. put beef and all other remaining ingredients (the tamato juice, sauce, etc.) into the pot
4. bring to boil, then simmer covered for 60 to 90 minutes, stirring occasionally
5. Optional: when serving, add a little colby or cheddar cheese on top. Serve with crackers.
6. Enjoy the BEST CHILI EVER !!!

Note: So far we have always mixed the seasonings into the ground beef kind of like if we were making taco beef. However, it probably wouldn't be any different if you just threw it all together at once into the pot.

Note: To make it vegetarian, remove anything not vegetarian. It will still be lip smacking good.

What makes this the best chili ever? It's loaded with a lot more than just beans, and the spicing is just perfect, whereas most other chilis are either bland or super-duper firehouse burn-your-face-off spicey. It also cooks down to a perfect consistency, not watery. It makes a thick, chunky, well seasoned chili; the BEST CHILI EVER !!!

---

Enchiladas

• 1.5 lb ground chuck (can substitute with beef or round)
• 2 cans medium red enchilada sauce of typical size (Old El'Paso medium, or Ortega, or mix 1 can Old El'Paso mild and 1 can Old El'Paso hot. Other combinations are possible, but have not been tested)
• 1 can chopped green chilis (any brand ok)
• about 10 soft soft-taco-sized or burrito-sized tortilla shells
• 1 can refried beans (original, no wierd stuff)
• some chopped onion (use your best judgement here for the amount; cook with ground beef; can also substitute with dried minced or chopped onion)
• 16 oz block of colby cheese
• 1 can Ortega medium taco sauce (substitution with a medium salsa or other taco sauce brand ok)
• optional: black olives and/or jalapeno pepper slices
• optional: sour cream
• serves: about 4

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
2. Mix enchilada sauce and chilis in a bowl
3. Put layer of mixed sauce in bottom of cake-sized rectangular baking dish (about 1/3 to 1/2 of sauce)
4. Put ground chuck and onion into frying pan and brown
5. For each enchilada, use a couple spoons of refried beans, a few spoons of meat, and a dabble of sauce, and roll into tortilla
6. Place rolled enchiladas into baking dish until dish is filled fairly well
7. If there is any meat left over, feed it to your cat(s). They will love you for it. Don't have a cat? What, you don't like cats?
8. Cover enchilads with remaining sauce
9. Cover with graded cheese (all 16 oz)
10. Cover with foil
11. Bake about 45 minutes
12. Remove foil (edges should be bubbling)
13. Bake an additional 5 minutes or until cheese is firm
14. Eat. Optionally, can serve with taco sauce, sour cream, black olives, and/or jalapeno peppers.

---

Taco Salad (aka Skotty Chow)

• 1.5 lb ground chuck (can substitute with beef or round)
• 1 package McCormick taco seasoning mix (can substitute with McCormick Hot or Ortega)
• 1 bag Santitas taco chips (only about 1/3 bag will be used, substitution with other crappier chip brands ok)
• 1 head lettuce
• 12 oz block of colby cheese (cheese used can vary, and blocks are typically 8 oz or 16 oz, so best get 16 oz block)
• 1 can Ortega medium taco sauce
• optional: black olives (Lindsay recommended) and/or jalapeno pepper slices (Vlasic Stackers recommended)
• optional: sour cream
• serves: about 4

1. If you really need help preparing this one, you should probably let someone else cook. :-P
2. Fix it.
3. Eat it.

---

Refried Bohm Beans

Okay, so this one doesn't involve refrying, nor does it really belong to Bohm (does it?), but it does involve beans so close enough.

• One big can of black beans
• one spoon full of minced garlic (the kind in a jar...not the dehydrated stuff)
• some butter
• some cumin? (I forgot which spice, but I'll guess it is cumin :-P )

1. partially drain the black beans
2. Put some butter and the garlic in a pot on the stove top.
3. sautee or whatever
4. add in a sprinkle of cumin while your at it
5. once its been going awhile, add in the beans
6. lightly boil, stirring sorta frequently, until enough of the liquid has boiled off that it reaches refried bean consistency. Smoosh it up a bit, breaking up some of the beans to make it more, you know, refried-like (but it's not required).
7. You're done. For once, eat some black beans that don't suck.

---

Bean Dip That Doesn't Suck

• Two cans of black beans
• Some minced garlic
• Some butter
• Some Cumin
• 8 oz tub of sour cream
• A moderate amount of Chipolte Tabasco sauce
• 4 to 6 oz of Colby or Cheddar cheese
• Some salsa, whatever you like
• Some green onion
• You'll also need something you can serve it in, preferably a big yet somewhat shallow tray

1. Follow the recipe for Refried Bohm Beans above (make a double batch).
2. Stick beans in fridge to cool (preferably in a bowl).
3. Mix sour cream with Chipolte Tabasco in a bowl. May not take entire tub of sour cream. Just keep adding Tabasco until you like the taste. It should be a light orange color.
4. Grate your cheese.
5. Once beans are sufficiently cool, lay them out in your serving tray.
6. Now spread on a thin layer of the sour cream mix.
7. Optional: Now, if you want, add a thin layer of salsa.
8. Add layer of cheese.
9. Add some sliced onion.
10. Add some sliced olives.
11. Optional: Split the recipe into two bowls. Send one bowl to me. Yummy!

---

Queso (That's Cheese Dip for the Mexican Impaired)
Special Note: Despite my use of the first person in this recipe, much of it must be credited to Cari! Thank you Cari!

• 1 or 2 packages of American cheese slices (or equivalent quantity). Look for some that doesn't say something frightening like "foodstuff". Use only 1 package if you like a greater other-stuff to cheese ratio.
• recommended: 1 small flying saucer of gouda cheese (well, that's what they look like!). Regular or smoked. This is optional because the recipe will only use a small amount, leaving you with a huge honkin block of cheese left over. Unless you eat queso pretty much every day. Mmm... sounds good. Or maybe use it on sandwiches (but I have no recipes for those).
• 4oz sour cream
• 1 block philly cream cheese. Well...half a block, but good luck buying only half a block.
• about a quarter cup of whole milk.
• 1 can of a diced tomato / green chili blend (like Rotel -- both regular and Mexican festival work well). You can make your own if you want it to take longer.
• 1 queso pot. Okay, fondue pot. But we are only making queso, because stuffing stale bread into an unappealing beer cheese is not my idea of good cooking (sometimes I have nightmares about it). You can try just using a regular pot, but I recommend the queso pot because you risk messing up the texture or burning it with a regular pot.
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic.
• recommended: some jalapeno slices (Vlasic Stackers are the best I've found to date)
• spices: I'm still working this one out. Experiment if you want, or don't use any. Its pretty good without spices anyway (jalapenos can make up for lack of spices if you use them).
• A bag of good tortilla chips like Santitas. Also, Doritos is once again making their "Toasted Corn" variety which is also quite good (basically they are Doritos without all the "flavorstuff" on them). might want to try those.
• optional: seasoned taco meat (ground chuck with McCormick seasoning is good). This is a nice addition, but only recommended if you are making tacos or something too. It's a bit much to make taco meat just for queso.

1. Fire up the queso pot. Use a heat level that will melt the cheese slowly.
2. Sautee garlic with a pad of butter for a couple of minutes.
3. Put some milk and half block of philly in the pot. Let the philly melt down a bit (wont take long)
4. Add the American in slowly, stirring slowly and frequently.
5. Crumble in a portion of the gouda cheese that is about the size of your nose. Maybe a little smaller if you use the smoked gouda which has a stronger flavor (or if you just have a big nose).
6. Mix in the diced tomato / green chili blend and the sour cream at pretty much any time.
7. If the consistency seems too thick, carefully add a little more milk
8. mix the jalapenos in at the end, or optionally, you can set them to the side as sort of a "topper" like restaurants do.
9. if you have taco meat, I recommend setting it to the side as a "topper". It's good with the queso, but some may not want meat, and it just doesn't look right when mixed in (makes it seem cheap and unattractive, like a Popeye's Chicken). Just stick a little mound on top of your dipping bowl and grab a little with each bite.
10. enjoy

---

Frozen Goofaritas (UPDATED RECIPE)

As a cheap less-alcoholic alternative, I've recently tried the TGI Friday's margartia mix (with alcohol included, 12.5%), and it is actually quite good.

• 100ml to 150ml Tequila (Jose Cuervo recommended)
• 100ml of a good Triple-Sec (Cointreau or Grand Marniwhatever)
• 100ml to 150ml Rose's Sweetened Lime Juice
• Some sugar (about 1/2 teaspoon)
• Bag of ice
• Recommended: straws
• Makes: about 32oz to 40oz

1. Put about 1/2 teaspoon of sugar in a measuring cup. Then add hot water up to the 50 ml mark. Stir until sugar is completely dissolved.
2. Add the sugar/water mix, sweetened lime juice, tequila, and triple-sec to a regular sized blender. Then add ice (not the whole bag, doofus). It should fill the blender almost to the top.
3. Blend well.
4. Drink and be goofy.

---

Several Layer Salad

I couldn't decide which parts of this recipe deserved to be considered separate layers, but I think everyone could agree there are probably several.

• 2 clean hands (this recipe doesn't get cooked, so wash your filthy hands)
• 1.5 heads of lettuce, cut into salad-sized pieces (not restaurant-sized, as even Mick Jagger can't fit those in his mouth)
• 0.5 small bags of baby sweet peas
• 0.33 red onion, cut into small pieces
• 12oz block of cheddar or colby cheese, shredded (don't be lazy, use a block and shred it yourself)
• 16oz Miracle Whip (Don't use Mayonaise. Mayo is nasty; especially in this recipe)
• 2oz of bacon pieces (you can buy the stuff in a jar, but use the real bacon kind)

1. If you have any carrots in the fridge, leave them there. Carrots are only good for stew. Do NOT put carrots in MY salad recipe.
2. In a large serving dish (I recommend a glass cake pan), spread out half of the lettuce.
3. Spread out peas (make sure to thaw them first if frozen...no one wants to bite into a frozen pea)
4. Spread out onion pieces
5. Spread out remaining salad
6. Spread out cheese
7. Carefully spread out Miracle Whip (carefully because it's alot like icing a hot cake)
8. Sprinkle on bacon pieces
9. If you added in any carrots like I told you NOT to, then throw it all away -- you've ruined it.
10. If it is not cold, or if you won't be serving it for awhile, cover with wrap and put it in the fridge.

---

Advanced Recipes

---

Chicken Enchiladas

• One of those roasted chickens from the grocery store deli (can bake some frozen breasts but just pulling apart a roasted chicken takes alot less time).
• 3 fresh jalapenos
• 1 block philly cream cheese
• about 12oz of monterey jack or colby jack (your choice)
• some fresh green onion (the kind that looks like grass)
• a wee bit of butter
• a spoon full of minced garlic (the kind in a jar...not the dehydrated stuff)
• 1.5 cans (the smaller cans) of medium enchilada sauce (red sauce recommended)
• small or medium sized corn or flour tortillas (corn will rip and tear and piss you off though)

1. prepare the chicken. Cook it if its not precooked. Tear cooked chicken into small pieces.
2. chop up the jalapenos, throwing out the center and seeds.
3. chop up the onions into little disks. Use whatever quantity you feel is appropriate. If you get it wrong, then it's your fault, not mine.
4. stick butter, garlic, jalapenos, and maybe the onions (doh, I forgot when to add the onions, oh well) into a frying pan and do that sautee thing, or whatever it's called.
5. mix in cream cheese, jack cheese, and some milk to thin it a little.
6. Once all melted down, mix in the chicken, and turn off stove top.
7. preheat oven to about 375 degrees.
8. Pour about half the enchilada sauce into the bottom of a cake pan.
9. Add chicken mixture to tortilla shells and place in the cake pan.
10. Drizzle remaining enchilada sauce over top.
11. Bake for 30 minutes, covered with foil.
12. remove foil, bake 5 more minutes.
13. remove from oven, turn off oven (I forget that sometimes, so I thought I'd remind you), and enjoy.

---

Pizza Stuff

• You guessed it... 1.5 lb ground chuck (can substitute with beef or round)
• 1 Chef Boyardee pizza kit (crust + sauce). This comes in both regular and "family size". "Family size" is better, but the regular will do. DO NOT get the one with pepperoni in the sauce because it sucks! The kit may also come with a cheese packet. The cheese will not be used, so it can be discarded or possibly saved for use on italian dishes (its sorta like romano).
• 16 oz block mozzarella cheese
• Other pizza toppings you like (pepperoni, black olive, and shroom recommended)
• serves: about 5

1. Preheat oven to 387.5 degrees F. Okay... so I can't decide if 375 or 400 is better. Somewhere in that range anyway.
2. Grate all the cheese
3. Prepare crust mix as specified
4. Grease cake-sized rectangular baking dish
5. Spread crust evenly in bottom of baking dish
6. Bake crust for around 5 to 10 minutes until it starts to brown around the edges (might start ground beef at same time-- see next step). When it starts to brown around the edges, pull it back out.
7. Brown ground chuck
8. Once brown, turn off stove top, and mix ground chuck with pizza sauce. Unless you got the "family size" kit, the sauce is actually not quite enough. If you don't mind being a wasteful American, buy a 2nd Chef Boyardee pizza kit, use 1.5 to 2 cans of sauce, and throw the rest of the 2nd kit away. This option kinda sucks, so might try experimenting with using just a can, or partial can, or tomato sauce.
9. Spread the beef/sauce mix onto the crust evenly.
10. Spread about 1/2 cheese on next (the mozzarella...remember, we are not using the Chef Boyardee cheese packet)
11. Spread out all additional toppings selected
12. Spread on remaining cheese
13. Cover with foil
14. Bake 35 to 45 minutes
15. Remove foil
16. Bake an additional 5 to 10 minutes, until cheese is firm
17. Eat

---

Baked Noodle Thingamabobs (Manicotti)

• Whats the first ingredient? That's right! 1.5 lb ground chuck! (can substitute with beef or round)
• 1 package of Manicotti noodles (I think it comes with like 12 of them suckers)
• 1 big can of pasta sauce (just about anything will do...get what you like)
• 16 oz block of Mozzarella cheese
• 2 eggs
• optional: chopped or minced onion (dried or not). Use your best judgement on amount.

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F
2. Grate the cheese
3. Cook manicotti noodles as package specifies
4. Remove cooked noodles and place on a cookie sheet to let cool. You may want to occasionally turn the noodles over so they dont get soggier on one side.
5. Brown the beef (with any onion you plan on using)
6. Let cooked meat cool some
7. beat 2 eggs
8. mix beef, eggs, and 1/2 of the cheese (can just mix it in the same frying pan used to brown beef)
9. Put layer of pasta sauce in the bottom of a cake-sized rectangular baking dish (about 1/2 the sauce)
10. Stuff the noodles with the meat mix (try not to break the noodles though) and place into baking dish
11. When pan is full, you will probably have 1 noodle left over. Eat it. Its pretty good.
12. Cover with remaining pasta sauce
13. Cover with remaining cheese
14. Cover with foil
15. Bake 45 minutes
16. Uncover
17. Bake another 5 to 10 minutes until cheese is firm
18. Eat (got any left over Chef Boyardee cheese from the Pizza Stuff recipe? Might could use it here)

---

Planning Your Weekly Menu

---

Here is an example of how you can plan out your weekly meals using Skotty's recipes.

Monday	Taco Salad
Tuesday	Enchiladas
Wednesday	Eat out at a Mexican restaurant
Thursday	Taco Salad
Friday	Taco Salad
Saturday	Eat out, maybe BBQ or Italian
Sunday	Taco Salad

For added variety, add in advanced recipes!

Monday	Taco Salad
Tuesday	Enchiladas
Wednesday	Baked Noodle Thingamabobs
Thursday	Eat out at a Mexican restaurant
Friday	Taco Salad
Saturday	Eat out, maybe BBQ or Italian
Sunday	Pizza Stuff

Okay, so I am kinda joking on the weekly menu thing... but the recipes are REAL !! Enjoy! I know I do!

Last Updated 11/11/2007 by Scott Arnold